A much needed vacation

WHEW! It's been so long since I posted last. So much has gone on I've had to let this fall by the wayside for awhile.

My husband's job has had him out on the road three times as much as he's been home. I have to admit, its nice to not have to stress over bills as much now. I miss him like mad when he's gone, but his time at home is extra sweet.

His being gone, though, can feed into some of my fears. I worry what I'd do if I had an emergency sometimes. I know I have a lot of friends I can call on, plus, my parents are only a two hour plane ride away. Still, I worry that something might happen and he not find out about it "in time." I wonder to myself what all the possibilities are if that were to happen. I don't dwell on it all the time, but it's something that pops up now and then. Especially depending on what my frame of mind is on a given day. It's not a fun thing to think about, but I guess it doesn't hurt to prepare for anything.

Now, though, I have lots of other things on my mind. We're moving into a house in a month, which I am ECSTATIC to be doing. No more apartment life. Our first home. It's such a sweet, sweet thing. I have a new focus on moving keeping me busy.

It's football season. I love fall, and I am a total football junkie. So, I am keeping busy with the local club of alumni from my college, and we've been getting the club active again. One of the things we are doing is football parties. Gotta love those. What better way to spend a Saturday alone than to catch up with fellow former students to cheer your team on to a win?

Finally, though, we're going on a much needed vacation soon. My husband has a decent break in his schedule, and we'll go visit his family. We're SO excited to do this, and I am counting down the days. Not to mention packing and getting things in order to go!

I work best late at night, though, thanks to my husband's schedule. I have become a total night owl, usually not going to bed until the sun is coming up. One bonus of having a house... I can vacuum any time I want! However, I get done what I can when I can. (Hence why its 1:30 AM and I am just now posting to this blog.)

I admittedly live an "abnormal" life... but its normal to me. And I love it.

Adjustments

A month passes since I last posted here, and a billion changes have once again occurred.

My husband has, once again, changed jobs. This one brings almost twice as many show dates and takes him off on the road for weeks on end. I truly am a musician's widow now!!

It's always hard to leave a job, and this most recent change was hard to make for emotional reasons. His former co-workers and boss are dear friends, and the feeling of abandoning them was strong. However, the new job offer was one he could not pass up, and luckily they understood.

Earlier this week he loaded all his gear on the back of a semi and boarded a bus for three weeks on a west coast run.

Interestingly, so much about this new job has given us both goosebumps as one thing after another just fell into place. It's felt just so RIGHT time and time again that it was (and still is) just overwhelming!

The nicest part of it ALL? Hearing the happiness in my husband's voice. Not that he wasn't happy before, but he's just happier than I've heard him in a long time. The only stress he's had is wanting to do a good job and impress the new camp.

The night of his first show, he called me after it was all over. I wanted to cry and scream and squeal with joy as he talked about how well it went. I'd been so tense and stressed all night hoping and praying it would go okay. When he hung up I started jumping around the apartment screaming (quietly as it was after midnight) about how well it went. Hearing him SO HAPPY just gives me this overwhelming happiness as well.

On another great note, the day after the job offer came through, we found out we'll be able to get into a house in October after all. We're SO excited! Our first home!! New job. New house. Before anyone asks, NO I am NOT pregnant. I got asked that a billion times lately, and I'm going to put a stop to it right here and now.

Now, as I said, the new job is so many more shows that he's not home much. More shows are constantly being added, which is WONDERFUL... but at the same time a few recent additions have made me pout a little as they take away a few of our small windows of opportunity to be together. I miss my husband! Does that really surprise anyone?

He and I talked about it last night, and we agreed... we're just having to make adjustments and get used to this whole new schedule and way of life. We've wanted this for a long time and here it is... time to dig in and live the dream!

Making changes

It's been a long time since I wrote here. Primarily, that is because things have been just crazy.

My husband changed jobs. However, he spent a period of time working for his former artist as well as his new artist. I keep two schedules for him. One in simple spreadsheet format. The other on a calendar. Despite my double-schedule system, I have had a hard time keeping up with where he was supposed to be when and with which camp! Luckily, by having to focus harder for that period of time, I'm having an easier time keeping his one schedule memorized now.

I love problem solving. I love the challenge of keeping a schedule on track. Yes, it gets frustrating at times. However, I thrive under pressure. I guess that's part of why I went into journalism for my degree. Those deadlines actually thrill me even as they can be stressful. So, in a similar respect, keeping up with the crazy schedule we keep is actually fun to me.

We are entering peak travel season, though, and airline stress multiplies when talking about big groups. Especially big groups with gear and a time schedule.

My husband has had his share of crazy travel stories in the last month. I know he's sick of flying by now, but I also know he'll have plenty more flights coming at him soon. What is worrisome is news reports like the one I saw just the other day. Over-booked flights. Unable to get a later flight when a flight is canceled or you're bumped from one. It all just gets to be added stresses for everyone involved.

Peak travel season is also peak tour season for musicians. I'm spending more and more time home alone, but I'm also getting out more with friends. I also have friends coming from back home to visit me soon. I'm looking forward to that!

It also means, though, that time when my husband is home is more precious. Be it a few days, or only a few hours. I'll take what I can get.

Time alone

I have a surprise for everyone: I don't fall apart when my husband goes out on the road. Nor do I consider my decision to stay at home for a day or two "becoming a hermit" and my husband certainly doesn't "lock me in the house" when he's gone.

No, I will admit I enjoy my time home alone when he's on the road. It's the time in which I throw myself into housekeeping. It's the time I can focus on my writing. It's the time I can focus on ME. It is my choice to be home and do my thing.

I have always been a big homebody. It's only been since I came to the city to live with my husband that I've become far more extroverted. My personality has distinctly changed in the last few months, in that I love going out into crowd and I don't fear walking up to a stranger and talking to them. But, despite that, I do still love being alone. I love books, cleaning house, bubble baths, and just enjoying the home we pay for every month.

Most importantly, I love to write. I am striving to build my career in freelancing, but I can't do that if I don't close myself up in my house and WRITE. Doing my writing when my husband is on the road is what allows me to run around with him when he's home.

We don't spend that much time at home when he's off to road. We've always got somewhere to be and someone to see. I love that fact. I love my husband. I choose to do "my own thing" when he's on the road so we CAN spend so much time together.

I treasure this time together. I know that could change any day. His schedule could pick up and he'll be on the road for weeks at a time. (That's when I'll be craving to go out on my own more and more just to break up the monotony of days alone at home.) We could find that I have to go out and get a day job and abandon my freelance writing. And then the time will come when we have kids and things really will change drastically then.

So until that time, I will take each day together and treasure them. And I'll save the house chores and "me time" for when he's on the road.

Fly girl

In 2004, I boarded my first plane. I was nervous, not only for the flight but for the adventure upon which I was about to embark.

I remember listening intently to all the safety procedures that the stewardesses presented. I took a deep breath and held on tight. Away we went! Landing was a nerve wracking experience, but it went fine and I soon found myself standing, for the first time, in the Nashville International Airport.

I had traveled to Nashville to spend my first trip far away from my parents. It was a week with a friend -- one that I had absolutely no clue would end up being my husband three years later in a city I hoped to some day live. I ended up having a good time, though stresses surrounding my presence left me on the couch much of the time with an upset stomach and migraine headache. I succeeded, nonetheless, in experiencing many of the highlights of Nashville, and I left the city a week later feeling smarter and glad I'd made the trip.

It would be over a year before I'd fly again, but since then I've logged thousands of air miles. Every single one of them due to my husband. Trips to Nashville to visit as our relationship changed and grew. Then trips to Portland, Oregon; Las Vegas, Nevada; Atlanta, Georgia; Jackson, Mississippi; and Honolulu, Hawaii... all with (or to be with) my traveling musician. I'm an airplane professional!

Today, I fly to visit my family back home in Texas. I continue to log the miles constantly, and the tales of my travels seem to always have an amusing angle to them. Everything from flying to point A and renting a car to continue to point B, to spending hours and hours in an airport waiting for a delayed flight.

My latest two flights both consisted of seeing my husband off... behind security.

This last trip back home occured only an hour before my husband caught a plane himself to a show. We ended up going through security together, kissing good bye, and then walking to opposite terminals to catch planes going to completely opposite ends of the country. The time before, I landed back in Nashville only a few hours before he took off for a show. He drove our truck to the airport, and as I kissed him hello and goodbye, he handed me the keys to drive it back home!

Being married to a musician always guarantees that things will not be boring. I rarely go with him on the road, but I do try to go any time I can. It's allowed me to see placed I'd have probably never seen otherwise. Three years ago, I was terrified to fly. Today, it's as natural as walking. I look forward to our next adventure!

An interesting phenomenon

I will be leaving our apartment in about 20 minutes to go pick up my husband from the airport. I am sitting here pretty much twiddling my thumbs. Supper will be ready to take out of the oven (or rather just place on "warm" until we get home) in the next 5 minutes. So, that will leave me about 15 minutes to kill.

I assure you that as it gets closer and closer to time to leave, everything will start working against me, and I'll be late to pick him up.

It NEVER fails. Time to kill until I go pick him up at the airport or the bus lot. Then I still end up being late. Thank God my husband is patient with my incessant talent for being late or early... never right on time.

Alone and sick

A downside of being a musician's widow: home alone and sick.

Nashville being ranked 16th highest city for allergies, it stands to reason that my usual Spring allergy outbreak would be worse than normal. I'm miserable and taking care of myself. My husband took off on the road for the weekend, and I kissed him good bye at the airport with a sneeze and a sniffle.

Now, it is kind of nice to be able to sleep on the couch all day drugged up and not feel too bad about not taking care of your spouse since they are off doing what they need to do. But at the same time, it would be really nice to be babied while sick.

At least its not the first time I've battled allergies, and I know it won't be the last. And... at least its just allergies and not something like the flu. I will survive!

Finding kindred spirits

A few nights ago, my husband played in an "All-Star Jam" and I went to watch him play as well as to network and socialize. I had such a great time floating from group to group, but two women that were with two of the other pickers were the people I spent the most time with during the evening.

One of the women, J.D., and I got a chance to talk for awhile as our husbands tore down. The music had stopped so we no longer had to yell at each other to be heard. Before long, we were exchanging "war stories" about our husbands on the road. We were immediate kindred spirits with similar philosophies on it.

Our big thing with our husbands is that, if you say you'll call then call. It's hard not to worry about him out on the road. If something happened, it would take a long time for it to get back to us, and even longer to get there to him. We need that reassurance from them that they are okay. And in the same vein, we need them to know WE are okay.

We then got on the subject out of "sleep schedules." It was comforting to find someone else who says the words, "Don't call before noon; I won't be up." With the guy's working downtown late at night, or their not being able to call until the early morning hours after a show elsewhere -- its not worth ever trying to turn our schedules "normal." It's bed between 1 AM and 5 AM. Then you get up at noon. It's crazy to the rest of the world. It's just the way it is with us.

I was so glad to find someone like myself. It was a nice reassurance. We're out there -- the musician's widows of the world. There are less of us than there are musicians, so when you find one... you're immediately friends.

Of trust

A key element of the relationship between a musician and their significant other is TRUST. This applies to all careers -- military the largest example -- in which couples are separated for long periods of time.

Last night, when my husband and I talked after his show, he told me about a couple he met after the show at the bar. They've been married less than a month and as a fellow newlywed, my husband took an even greater interest in striking up a conversation with them.

The woman, he said, asked my husband if it was hard for me to let him go out on the road so far from home. He said that, no, its easy. We've just got that something special that allows it to happen without (much) consequence.

Now, I interrupt the story briefly to say I'd never categorize it as "easy" but its certainly not "hard" either. That is my little disclaimer in this tale.

My husband went on to tell me that the woman said she could never do it, because, after all, men will be men. My husband was alarmed by that accusation and told her simply that he disagreed. That when you find that right person, infidelity is not an issue. He'd never in a million years cheat on me, and he knows I am the same way. We have that strong level of trust between us, because we KNOW.

It actually left him and I very sad to see a couple JUST married carrying doubt in one another. It made us just more secure in how solid we are... the high level of trust we do hold in one another. Especially considering how often we are apart.

There is a song by Alabama that asks why the girls fall in love with the boys in the band. I am not stupid. There ARE women out there who are looking for a fast hook-up with one of the boys in the band. But just because there are women out there like that does not mean my husband will take the bait. Because I know with all of my being he wouldn't, and there is great strength and comfort in that fact.